Well, that's a tall order...
A mother's heart is a fearsome (causing awe or respect) thing. The heights of emotion mine can reach has always astounded me a bit. Since the time my boys came into this world I've been working to watch over, train, provide for and protect them as best I could. I've nurture them and demanded respect from them (for me, their dad and everyone else they came into contact with)... I've made sure they had clothes to wear and that they took baths - regularly (even if they didn't see the point)... I've fed their physical bodies and the spirits with the Word of God.
When I brought my firstborn home from the hospital, I was shocked that they would entrust me (not to kill) with this small human. It was a bit better with my second, because I'd already manage to keep his brother alive for 5 years. We have survived the bratty adolescent years with both my boys and have now come to the time where one has flown the coupe and the other is making plans to. Now, after years of having stewardship of my boys I'm having to trust the One who loves them so much more than me - the One who entrusted them to me - with their care. I'm having to give them back, in a manner of speaking, and I'm finding it to be a very tall order.
I have made a lot of mistakes as a parent, and I'm still making them, but I've done the best I could. The stories, of my protection of my boys, have reached legendary status with those who know me well - because NOBODY messes with my kids and comes out unscathed. As a matter of fact, for years it didn't even matter to me why you messed with them...if you did, I would take care of it and (maybe) ask questions later. In some ways I've mellowed a bit through the years, but the passionate love I feel for my kids has not.
I know I get this characteristics from God because He feels the same way for us. Hosea 13:1 describes God as a mother bear rob of her cubs (in fairness this scripture is talking about the Lord's punishment of his children), and my favorite psalm, Psalm 18, describes the Lord like this:
I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
and he saved me from my enemies.
When I brought my firstborn home from the hospital, I was shocked that they would entrust me (not to kill) with this small human. It was a bit better with my second, because I'd already manage to keep his brother alive for 5 years. We have survived the bratty adolescent years with both my boys and have now come to the time where one has flown the coupe and the other is making plans to. Now, after years of having stewardship of my boys I'm having to trust the One who loves them so much more than me - the One who entrusted them to me - with their care. I'm having to give them back, in a manner of speaking, and I'm finding it to be a very tall order.
I have made a lot of mistakes as a parent, and I'm still making them, but I've done the best I could. The stories, of my protection of my boys, have reached legendary status with those who know me well - because NOBODY messes with my kids and comes out unscathed. As a matter of fact, for years it didn't even matter to me why you messed with them...if you did, I would take care of it and (maybe) ask questions later. In some ways I've mellowed a bit through the years, but the passionate love I feel for my kids has not.
I know I get this characteristics from God because He feels the same way for us. Hosea 13:1 describes God as a mother bear rob of her cubs (in fairness this scripture is talking about the Lord's punishment of his children), and my favorite psalm, Psalm 18, describes the Lord like this:
I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
and he saved me from my enemies.
4 The ropes of death entangled me;
floods of destruction swept over me.
5 The grave wrapped its ropes around me;
death laid a trap in my path.
6 But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;
yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He heard me from his sanctuary;
my cry to him reached his ears.
floods of destruction swept over me.
5 The grave wrapped its ropes around me;
death laid a trap in my path.
6 But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;
yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He heard me from his sanctuary;
my cry to him reached his ears.
7 Then the earth quaked and trembled.
The foundations of the mountains shook;
they quaked because of his anger.
8 Smoke poured from his nostrils;
fierce flames leaped from his mouth.
Glowing coals blazed forth from him.
9 He opened the heavens and came down;
dark storm clouds were beneath his feet.
10 Mounted on a mighty angelic being, he flew,
soaring on the wings of the wind.
11 He shrouded himself in darkness,
veiling his approach with dark rain clouds.
12 Thick clouds shielded the brightness around him
and rained down hail and burning coals.
13 The Lord thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded
amid the hail and burning coals.
14 He shot his arrows and scattered his enemies;
great bolts of lightning flashed, and they were confused.
15 Then at your command, O Lord,
at the blast of your breath,
the bottom of the sea could be seen,
and the foundations of the earth were laid bare.
The foundations of the mountains shook;
they quaked because of his anger.
8 Smoke poured from his nostrils;
fierce flames leaped from his mouth.
Glowing coals blazed forth from him.
9 He opened the heavens and came down;
dark storm clouds were beneath his feet.
10 Mounted on a mighty angelic being, he flew,
soaring on the wings of the wind.
11 He shrouded himself in darkness,
veiling his approach with dark rain clouds.
12 Thick clouds shielded the brightness around him
and rained down hail and burning coals.
13 The Lord thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded
amid the hail and burning coals.
14 He shot his arrows and scattered his enemies;
great bolts of lightning flashed, and they were confused.
15 Then at your command, O Lord,
at the blast of your breath,
the bottom of the sea could be seen,
and the foundations of the earth were laid bare.
16 He reached down from heaven and rescued me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemies,
from those who hated me and were too strong for me.
18 They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress,
but the Lord supported me.
19 He led me to a place of safety;
he rescued me because he delights in me.
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemies,
from those who hated me and were too strong for me.
18 They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress,
but the Lord supported me.
19 He led me to a place of safety;
he rescued me because he delights in me.
Children do, after all, take after their parents. It is because of this that I know He birthed my passionate love and care for my boys in me. I wouldn't give it up for anything. I love my boys and my new daughter-in-love so very much, and am thankful to be their mom.
But to have to give them back to the Lord has brought me to a whole new level of trust. If they were going off to college or moving out of the house it would be one thing, but my oldest is in the Navy and my youngest is talking to Navy recruiters to join when he graduates from high school in a few short years. Now we add the very real potential of them being in harm's way to them moving out. Holy cow does it make this momma's heart hurt!
When my oldest joined the Navy almost 5 years ago it felt like someone had sawed a piece of my heart off which is now walking around outside my body, but I still can feel everything it feels. The idea of doing that again with my youngest makes me feel sick to my stomach.
PAUSE: I feel I should insert here that I am not one of those moms who tries to guilt my kids into doing what I want them to do. I very much want them to follow the path God has for them, and it matters not the pain that those decisions will have on me. They need to, and are encouraged to, follow God, and I work out with God the things I need to work out with Him.
There is a point to all of this, I promise. I needed to give you a little bit of a back story before I can tell you what I've experienced this week, so you can understand where I'm coming from.
My oldest is in the middle of his second deployment. When he is deployed I don't sleep as much, I keep my phone on ALL THE TIME, I check my email several times a day and become a bit more sensitive to how people treat our military personnel (this is always a sensitive subject for me). When you add to the mix unsettling world events, this momma's heart goes into a tailspin.
This week our commander-in-chief order that 59 tomahawk missiles be fired, from two of our deployed Navy ships, onto a Syrian air base. (NOTE: I'm not getting into whether or not this should have happened) While my son isn't near where this happened, he has friends that are AND he is deployed. This action makes things a lot more fluid for our military and things can start to happen that wouldn't normally happen. <<<Insert sleepless night here>>> I found out about the world event at about 11pm on the night that it happened...right about the time I was tucking into bed. My imagination, which can be a wonderful thing and help me to be ultra-creative, became an enemy to me. I immediately started imagining the worst possible things that could happen, and started to cry - a lot. Then I started, anxiously, to pray...They were more of worrying in prayer form than actual prayers, so then I started to pray in the Spirit - knowing that God's Word tells us that the Spirit intercedes on our behalf when we don't know how to pray. I prayed this way for a while, and peace settled over my soul. I was able to breath easy and release my son into God's care. Cause let's face it, He is able to take much better care of Jon than I am. Finally, I was in a place to sleep, and I settled into bed for the night.
Just as I was drifting off to sleep I was startled by my phone alerting me to incoming text messages. Since it was the middle of the night (about 1am), this came as a bit of a concern. I sat up and grabbed my phone to see who sent the message...it was my Jon. He was messaging me to let me know he was ok and to tell me not to worry...he wanted to set my mind at ease. You'll never know what that message meant to me. What a precious and timely gift that was sent to me from my Papa - my heavenly Father. The fact that it came AFTER I'd given Jon into His care is key. I flung myself into His arms and burst into tears of gratitude. What an amazing Papa He is!!!
In an effort to drive the message home to me...the next day (we attend church on Friday nights) our pastor spoke out of John 14 - specifically verse 1: “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me", Jesus.
I've got it (for right now): "Jacqui, don't let your heart be troubled, trust God with your boys." I know me well enough to know I'm probably going to have to give my boys over to Him again (my humanness gets in the way of my trust sometimes), but for today I'm trusting Him with them. He's got good plans for my boys, and I'm so looking forward to seeing what those plans are. I'm so thankful that He is a good Father - slow to anger, abounding in love, compassionate, patient and kind.
When my oldest joined the Navy almost 5 years ago it felt like someone had sawed a piece of my heart off which is now walking around outside my body, but I still can feel everything it feels. The idea of doing that again with my youngest makes me feel sick to my stomach.
PAUSE: I feel I should insert here that I am not one of those moms who tries to guilt my kids into doing what I want them to do. I very much want them to follow the path God has for them, and it matters not the pain that those decisions will have on me. They need to, and are encouraged to, follow God, and I work out with God the things I need to work out with Him.
There is a point to all of this, I promise. I needed to give you a little bit of a back story before I can tell you what I've experienced this week, so you can understand where I'm coming from.
My oldest is in the middle of his second deployment. When he is deployed I don't sleep as much, I keep my phone on ALL THE TIME, I check my email several times a day and become a bit more sensitive to how people treat our military personnel (this is always a sensitive subject for me). When you add to the mix unsettling world events, this momma's heart goes into a tailspin.
This week our commander-in-chief order that 59 tomahawk missiles be fired, from two of our deployed Navy ships, onto a Syrian air base. (NOTE: I'm not getting into whether or not this should have happened) While my son isn't near where this happened, he has friends that are AND he is deployed. This action makes things a lot more fluid for our military and things can start to happen that wouldn't normally happen. <<<Insert sleepless night here>>> I found out about the world event at about 11pm on the night that it happened...right about the time I was tucking into bed. My imagination, which can be a wonderful thing and help me to be ultra-creative, became an enemy to me. I immediately started imagining the worst possible things that could happen, and started to cry - a lot. Then I started, anxiously, to pray...They were more of worrying in prayer form than actual prayers, so then I started to pray in the Spirit - knowing that God's Word tells us that the Spirit intercedes on our behalf when we don't know how to pray. I prayed this way for a while, and peace settled over my soul. I was able to breath easy and release my son into God's care. Cause let's face it, He is able to take much better care of Jon than I am. Finally, I was in a place to sleep, and I settled into bed for the night.
Just as I was drifting off to sleep I was startled by my phone alerting me to incoming text messages. Since it was the middle of the night (about 1am), this came as a bit of a concern. I sat up and grabbed my phone to see who sent the message...it was my Jon. He was messaging me to let me know he was ok and to tell me not to worry...he wanted to set my mind at ease. You'll never know what that message meant to me. What a precious and timely gift that was sent to me from my Papa - my heavenly Father. The fact that it came AFTER I'd given Jon into His care is key. I flung myself into His arms and burst into tears of gratitude. What an amazing Papa He is!!!
In an effort to drive the message home to me...the next day (we attend church on Friday nights) our pastor spoke out of John 14 - specifically verse 1: “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me", Jesus.
Don't let your hearts be troubled - trust Me.
Don't let your hearts be troubled - trust ME.
Don't let your hearts be troubled - TRUST ME!
I've got it (for right now): "Jacqui, don't let your heart be troubled, trust God with your boys." I know me well enough to know I'm probably going to have to give my boys over to Him again (my humanness gets in the way of my trust sometimes), but for today I'm trusting Him with them. He's got good plans for my boys, and I'm so looking forward to seeing what those plans are. I'm so thankful that He is a good Father - slow to anger, abounding in love, compassionate, patient and kind.
Lord, may my trust in you grow and abide. May its roots go down deep, so that the fiercest of winds can't topple it.
