Baggage? What Baggage???

I give you this:  Unless you have lived in a bubble all of you life (and sometimes even then) you are going to have some baggage that you carry around.  Even the most diligent of folks - those who work hard to not live in a place of brokenness - have some baggage.  A lot of times we aren't even aware it's there until it raises its ugly head and makes itself known.

I am one of those diligent folks who works to not live in brokenness. I know what it is like to live there and made a decision years ago to not live in hurt, un-forgiveness, bitterness or brokenness.  But in that conscience choice - the choice to "get over things" - I find that there is often times residue left behind from the root that has been removed.

I found a little bit of residue recently - through some communication with a dear friend of mine.  She asked me for something (which I gave her).  It was my honest - said in love - opinion on something near and dear to her.  After I gave her what she had asked for, I was assaulted by all kinds of doubts.

"Was I too direct?"
"I should have said that differently."  
"What if I hurt her with my opinion?"
"What if I caused her to carry an undue, extra load?"
"What if...what if...what if..."

What is the world is going on?!?!?!  I love my friend and she loves me.  I can be my complete self with her - and always have been able to. So, what is going on?

BAGGAGE!  That is what is going on!!!

In my past I was "beat over the head", by not well-meaning folks, with:

"You're too opinionated and direct."
"You hurt people with your words."
"You're a jerk!"
And many, many other things.

Let me stop here for a second.  Earlier in my life I could be direct and opinionated (I still have opinions on just about everything - I've just learned when to share and when not to).  I tried not to hurt people with my words, but sometimes wasn't successful - especially if I truly felt I was doing or saying the right thing.  I don't feel like I was a jerk - but I was told I was enough times for it to leave it's mark.

I have a passion for the truth - especially where God's Word and His kids are concerned.  People live in the middle of lies of the enemy too often.  Sometimes those lies come from mis-interpretation of God's Word and sometimes they come from mis-interpretation of who they are in Christ - who Christ made them to be.  Either way those lies need to be revealed for what they are and His truth needs to replace them.

Just to be clear: I am not writing this post to justify or slam myself.  I'm writing it because baggage is a thing.  It's heavy - and we aren't meant to carry it.

Baggage weighs us down, and, depending on the amount we carry, keeps us from being able to carry things He made us to carry.

He made me to be able to have hard conversations with people.  He just did.  I don't like having to do it, but He knows I won't shy away from it.  Hard conversations have to happen sometimes, and somebody has to have them.  But if I let my baggage rule over what I will and will not say I become ineffective.  That's just not acceptable to me.  It's just not.

So what do I do to get rid of it?  I take it to Him.  It's easy and it's hard.

Once I become aware of something in my life that is not a part of His image - that doesn't look like Him - I need to get rid of it.  If it's not like Him it doesn't belong in the life of a believer.  Sometimes it's hard work - depending on what the baggage comes from, but it is ALWAYS worth it.  Sometimes it takes giving it over to Him time and time again until you finally don't take it back again.  The point is - do whatever it takes to get rid of it.  Do you really want to hang on to it?  I certainly don't!

I want to walk in the fullness of the person He created me to be, so when the residue of past hurts rises to the surface I want to skim it off and toss it - not stir it back into the mix.

Taking this back to the top of this post... we all have baggage.  What are you going to choose to do with yours?

Yep...It's about choice.  If you have followed this blog at all you know that I "preach" on choice A LOT.  It's because just about everything comes back to it.  What are you going to choose?

My friend and chatted about the war playing out in my head, and why it was playing out.  We reaffirmed our love for one another, and I made the choice to set the nasty residue covered baggage down (there is a chance I'll have to set it - or something similar to it - down again... I'm a work in process just like you).   Setting it down offers more freedom to be all I'm supposed to be as a daughter of the King of kings.

As a fellow baggage carrier, I cheer you on as you set yours down!