To Be or Not To Be...VULNERABLE
VULNERABLE: Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded; open to attack or damage. Unguarded | Open.
Some say you can't truly live unless you live at the heart of vulnerability; that when you do you become fully alive; that if you don't you live in a place of shut down emotions.
I wonder...
I'm processing this today because recently one of my deepest rooted insecurities was hit right in the heart. When this happens I go into full on awareness, protective mode. My armor goes on and I hide behind my walls. This particular insecurity has been a part of me since I was a little girl. I have learned, over the years to master it - instead of it mastering me - but there are days (sometimes weeks) when it does its best to get the better of me.
PLEASE NOTE: Before I go any further I feel like I need to let you know that I've already done the heart-work in this area. I know why it is there, and that why is not a topic for a social media post (which this will soon be) - so it won't be written about today. While vulnerability is a good thing - some of the time - it still must have boundaries.
Vulnerability comes super easy for some people. They share everything with everyone - seemingly all the time. I am NOT one of those people. The fact that I'm an introvert certainly doesn't help things, but I'm going to step out there with you today. Why? Because I am a firm believer in the fact that all of my struggles have a greater good. If you can be helped by the things I've been through and the lessons I've learned from those things, I will wholeheartedly share them with you. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have receive from God.
There is comfort in knowing someone has walked the road ahead of you, and knows the way to wholeness. This is the reason I share.
Here is a little vulnerability for you:
For as long as I can remember I have had a deep-seated sense of unworthiness - that I am not good enough for any one or any thing, and when you are never good enough you do one of two things:
1) You throw the "baby out with the bath water" and become a wild child. You decide since you will never measure up why even bother. You cease caring all together what people think and do whatever feels right, and whatever will keep the pain numb.
2) You become a perfectionist. Always needing to be perfect in all things, because in doing so you may one day gain the long desired worth.
I selected option 2.
The trouble with perfectionism is that being perfect is a myth. It's illusive - never attainable, but that doesn't keep you from trying. Since it is not attainable, you are always failing. If you are always failing, you are never measuring up. If you are never measuring up, you continue to be unworthy - and are, therefore, forever stuck in a vicious cycle.
It seems quite hopeless, doesn't it.
<<<<<insertdeepsighhere>>>>>
Y'all it is so easy to get stuck here. Some would even tell you that you have a "right" to it because of what you have been through.
BUT DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE STUCK HERE???
NO, YOU DO NOT!!!
This is a sucky place to get stuck, so refuse! Your past DOES NOT get to dictate your future! Do the hard work, and keep putting one foot in front of the other until you are out of it. You CAN do it! Philippians 4:13 says:
I can do all things through Him (Christ) who gives me strength.
God doesn't want you to stay stuck either! Get moving! Keep moving!
Here's a little more vulnerability for you:
I have scars...
Scars happen because something painful happened. They are there from wounds inflicted on me by others, and sometimes myself.
I have triggers...
If you hit them, I'm probably going to react. Triggers happen along with the scars when bad things happen. While they are there, I feel like I need to say, you can learn to manage them well and successfully.
I have seen a lot of bad humanity...
People hurt people. I have been hurt by people AND I have hurt people.
Some of the most crushing blows have come at the hands of those who are supposed to love me and have my best interest at heart.
When you live out hurts, your natural, human tendency is to cease being vulnerable and go into protection mode - all the time.
This I have perfected. Remember, I like to do things in a perfect way.
You become really good at keeping people at arm's length. You learn how to keep asking them questions, so the conversation is only ever about them. There is a tragedy here, though. You will know a lot of people, but no one will know you. Accomplishing this goal produces profound loneliness. We are relational beings - we need people. Keeping them far away from you, so you can't feel the pain robs you of more than you can imagine.
So, do I believe that the lack of vulnerability keeps me from all my emotions - good and bad?
Maybe, just maybe.
Don't throw your hands up in frustration just yet! There is hope! Praise Jesus for the HOPE He brings!
We all have hurts, scars and triggers - BECAUSE WE ALL LIVE IN AN IMPERFECT WORLD - but we don't have to wallow in the pit of despair! We all fall into slumps from time to time, but we don't have to stay there.
Why? I'm so glad you asked!
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says:
But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
YES!!! THIS!!! His grace is enough! This is why I share today. We CAN AND WILL overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony (Revelation 12:11). The first part of this verse says, "They triumphed over him". Over who? The Devil. The enemy of our souls. Y'all he seeks to kill, steal and destroy. He doesn't want you overcoming. You have to be aware of this and stand and fight.
This video is one of my favorites ever recorded. It is from the movie Prince Caspian, base on the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.
Some say you can't truly live unless you live at the heart of vulnerability; that when you do you become fully alive; that if you don't you live in a place of shut down emotions.
I wonder...
I'm processing this today because recently one of my deepest rooted insecurities was hit right in the heart. When this happens I go into full on awareness, protective mode. My armor goes on and I hide behind my walls. This particular insecurity has been a part of me since I was a little girl. I have learned, over the years to master it - instead of it mastering me - but there are days (sometimes weeks) when it does its best to get the better of me.
PLEASE NOTE: Before I go any further I feel like I need to let you know that I've already done the heart-work in this area. I know why it is there, and that why is not a topic for a social media post (which this will soon be) - so it won't be written about today. While vulnerability is a good thing - some of the time - it still must have boundaries.
Vulnerability comes super easy for some people. They share everything with everyone - seemingly all the time. I am NOT one of those people. The fact that I'm an introvert certainly doesn't help things, but I'm going to step out there with you today. Why? Because I am a firm believer in the fact that all of my struggles have a greater good. If you can be helped by the things I've been through and the lessons I've learned from those things, I will wholeheartedly share them with you. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have receive from God.
There is comfort in knowing someone has walked the road ahead of you, and knows the way to wholeness. This is the reason I share.
Here is a little vulnerability for you:
For as long as I can remember I have had a deep-seated sense of unworthiness - that I am not good enough for any one or any thing, and when you are never good enough you do one of two things:
1) You throw the "baby out with the bath water" and become a wild child. You decide since you will never measure up why even bother. You cease caring all together what people think and do whatever feels right, and whatever will keep the pain numb.
2) You become a perfectionist. Always needing to be perfect in all things, because in doing so you may one day gain the long desired worth.
I selected option 2.
The trouble with perfectionism is that being perfect is a myth. It's illusive - never attainable, but that doesn't keep you from trying. Since it is not attainable, you are always failing. If you are always failing, you are never measuring up. If you are never measuring up, you continue to be unworthy - and are, therefore, forever stuck in a vicious cycle.
It seems quite hopeless, doesn't it.
<<<<<insertdeepsighhere>>>>>
Y'all it is so easy to get stuck here. Some would even tell you that you have a "right" to it because of what you have been through.
BUT DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE STUCK HERE???
NO, YOU DO NOT!!!
This is a sucky place to get stuck, so refuse! Your past DOES NOT get to dictate your future! Do the hard work, and keep putting one foot in front of the other until you are out of it. You CAN do it! Philippians 4:13 says:
I can do all things through Him (Christ) who gives me strength.
God doesn't want you to stay stuck either! Get moving! Keep moving!
Here's a little more vulnerability for you:
I have scars...
Scars happen because something painful happened. They are there from wounds inflicted on me by others, and sometimes myself.
I have triggers...
If you hit them, I'm probably going to react. Triggers happen along with the scars when bad things happen. While they are there, I feel like I need to say, you can learn to manage them well and successfully.
I have seen a lot of bad humanity...
People hurt people. I have been hurt by people AND I have hurt people.
Some of the most crushing blows have come at the hands of those who are supposed to love me and have my best interest at heart.
When you live out hurts, your natural, human tendency is to cease being vulnerable and go into protection mode - all the time.
This I have perfected. Remember, I like to do things in a perfect way.
You become really good at keeping people at arm's length. You learn how to keep asking them questions, so the conversation is only ever about them. There is a tragedy here, though. You will know a lot of people, but no one will know you. Accomplishing this goal produces profound loneliness. We are relational beings - we need people. Keeping them far away from you, so you can't feel the pain robs you of more than you can imagine.
So, do I believe that the lack of vulnerability keeps me from all my emotions - good and bad?
Maybe, just maybe.
Don't throw your hands up in frustration just yet! There is hope! Praise Jesus for the HOPE He brings!
We all have hurts, scars and triggers - BECAUSE WE ALL LIVE IN AN IMPERFECT WORLD - but we don't have to wallow in the pit of despair! We all fall into slumps from time to time, but we don't have to stay there.
Why? I'm so glad you asked!
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says:
But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
YES!!! THIS!!! His grace is enough! This is why I share today. We CAN AND WILL overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony (Revelation 12:11). The first part of this verse says, "They triumphed over him". Over who? The Devil. The enemy of our souls. Y'all he seeks to kill, steal and destroy. He doesn't want you overcoming. You have to be aware of this and stand and fight.
This video is one of my favorites ever recorded. It is from the movie Prince Caspian, base on the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.
Why can Lucy stand so confidently with only a dagger in her hand facing an army? Because she knows who stands with her.
Dear one, know the One who stands with you.
So, how?
Here are somethings I have picked up along the way:
One of my favorite things to tell people is, "Replace the lies of the enemy with the truth of God's Word."
The enemy would have me believe that I am unworthy.
The truth is: I am worthy, because Jesus said I am. I am a daughter of the Most High God.
The enemy would have me believe I'll never succeed.
The truth is: God has plans for me - plans He created specifically for me.
The enemy would like me to believe that I don't need any one.
The truth is: God made all of us to be relational beings. We need each other.
I also tell people - all the time - don't stay stuck (I think we already touch of this above) in the hard times.
When you discover yourself in the pit of despair - of your own making or someone else's - keep putting one foot in front of the other until you are out.
HOW???
Here are some things I've found helpful:
1) Be in His Word - EVERY DAY! Knowing His Word is the only way to know when the enemy is lying to you.
2) Praise Him! Praise Him when you don't feel like it. Praise Him when you would rather be in a puddle on the floor (you can also praise Him from the puddle on the floor).
3) Journal! You have to get the yuck out in a safe place. Pretending it isn't there is NOT going to make it magically disappear. It needs a voice through pen and paper.
4) Talk to someone you can trust, even if it's a paid therapist who is legally bound to keep your secrets (that's how I had to start years ago, because my trust issues had reach monumental levels). There is a phenomenon that happens when things are brought into the light, and can be seen for what they actually are. Exposing things to the light often times reveals what big, fat liars our emotions are.
5) Hide God's Word in your heart - this is NOT the same as being in His Word every day. Go to scripture and find the verses that pertain to where you are. Write (again paper and pen) them down and take them with you everywhere. Then EVERY TIME you feel the doubts, insecurities, fears or the need to protect yourself creep in read the scriptures until those feelings subside. Eventually you will have these verses down and can say them to the enemy in times when things are tough.
6) Stand and fight, but also be still and let the Lord fight for you. The only way to know which you are supposed to do is to stand close to God - remember Lucy in the video.
7) Find a good study like Celebrate Recovery to help you walk through the healing your heart needs. Deep wounds - especially ones that happen in your formative years - often times become so much a part of us we need to learn ways to help us keep from slipping back into the pain. I am currently on my 3rd round of Celebrate Recovery, since discovering it in 2002. I pick it back up from time to time, when old hurts raise their ugly heads.
8) Grant yourself some grace. We are ALL works in progress.
Another word on vulnerability:
In order for it to be healthy there needs to be a few things in place:
1) Wisdom
2) Boundaries
3) Trust
It is foolish to share all of you with everyone you meet. People are still people, and people hurt people. Seek the Lord's guidance and ask for discernment to know who to trust with what.
While people do hurt people, remember that a lot of them genuinely try not to.
So, a few last points to take away with you:
- Use the wisdom God gives us freely when we ask.
- Set good boundaries on your relationships.
- Willfully trust those God gives you.
These are principles I have been using for years. There have been so many things the Lord has eradicated from my life. I'm definitely a work in progress - He's not finished with me yet, but I can be confident of this:
He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6)
Through the years I have learned that the process of removing imperfections (I define imperfections as anything that doesn't look like Him) is sometimes painful and all the time hard - it is also ALL THE TIME worth it. So I no longer shy away from the work. I charge headlong into it, so I don't stay stuck.
Do I believe that healthy vulnerability with good boundaries given through wisdom and appropriate trust is a good thing?
YES, I DO!
Hugs, dear ones.
The Lord bless and keep you on the journey.