I'm Strong...I can take it, but maybe I can't...
Friends, It's with a heavy heart that I'm writing this today. I usually wait until I'm on the other side of things to write about them, but in this case I feel I need to write now. My momma's heart is sore.
I've known for a very long time that God gifted me with a very sensitive heart. I have to guard it well, because things impact it that don't impact other people. In guarding it though, I also have to keep it from repelling the pain that comes with sensitivity. No easy task. I have to make myself feel all of the things so I don't become hard-hearted. Having a sensitive heart IS a gift, but it is also a burden sometimes. I feel all of the joy and happiness and sorrow and pain - deeply. Over the years I have learned how to steward my heart well, but it can still be a bit of a challenge sometimes.
So why is my heart so sore right now?
My oldest is getting ready for his 3rd deployment, and that is always a challenge for my heart. This time when you add our precious Abigail (our first grand baby) to the mix, it seems all the harder. Why? Because now my baby's heart is hurting because of how much he is going to miss his beautiful bride and baby girl while he is away from them. My heart hurts. Have you ever gone through something so significant that it made your heart physically hurt? That is where I am today. I will miss hearing my boy's voice - that is part of the ache, but mostly I'm hurting for him and his.
Empathy: the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
This mom has empathy in spades for my kids. My hope and prayer is that in the feeling of their feelings I lighten their load a bit.
So, going back to the title of this blog: "I'm strong...I can take it, but maybe I can't..."
I have folks tell me frequently they have no idea how I do what I do, as a military mom (also when I was a military wife). They see strength - I know because that is what they tell me, and I shake my head a bit, because strength is not what I feel some days. Some days I feel tired and weepy, sore and weak.
On those days, am I any less strong? Under my own strength - yes.
So what do I do? This life I live is impossible under my own strength! WHAT DO I DO???
In a nutshell...here you go:
1) I take it to the Father. He hurts with me, but also with them. Not only that, but He alone is everywhere all the time...with them and with me, so I pull in close to Him. What happens when I do this? He tucks me securely under "the shadow of His wings" and holds me close. He whispers His closeness in my ear, and reminds me how close He is to them.
2) I DON'T go it alone. I let those dearest to me know where I am and what I am going through and they pray with me. This is vital, dear ones. We aren't meant to do life alone. We have to let people in AND let them know how we need help!
3) I am gentle with myself (I haven't always been, and when I'm not it's never good). I allow myself the wiggle room to take it easy. What does that look like? Taking a little more time for me (not in a selfish way, but in a self-care one)...longer showers, an extra cup of coffee, escaping into a good book, etc.
So, Yes, I am strong, but only because of the One I belong to. It's only Him, and my reliance on Him being true to who He is.
You may be asking yourself why I am sharing this with you all. GREAT QUESTION! I'm so glad you asked!!!
Our difficult life circumstances are NEVER just about us. God can use them for good, if we allow it. That is why I share. That is why I write this blog. I am a FIRM believer in the fact that I am my "brother's (sister's) keeper". If I can help you by sharing my story and what I'm walking through then that is what I am going to do.
I pray God's peace and favor upon you. Will you please pray for me to?
I've known for a very long time that God gifted me with a very sensitive heart. I have to guard it well, because things impact it that don't impact other people. In guarding it though, I also have to keep it from repelling the pain that comes with sensitivity. No easy task. I have to make myself feel all of the things so I don't become hard-hearted. Having a sensitive heart IS a gift, but it is also a burden sometimes. I feel all of the joy and happiness and sorrow and pain - deeply. Over the years I have learned how to steward my heart well, but it can still be a bit of a challenge sometimes.
So why is my heart so sore right now?
My oldest is getting ready for his 3rd deployment, and that is always a challenge for my heart. This time when you add our precious Abigail (our first grand baby) to the mix, it seems all the harder. Why? Because now my baby's heart is hurting because of how much he is going to miss his beautiful bride and baby girl while he is away from them. My heart hurts. Have you ever gone through something so significant that it made your heart physically hurt? That is where I am today. I will miss hearing my boy's voice - that is part of the ache, but mostly I'm hurting for him and his.
Empathy: the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
This mom has empathy in spades for my kids. My hope and prayer is that in the feeling of their feelings I lighten their load a bit.
So, going back to the title of this blog: "I'm strong...I can take it, but maybe I can't..."
I have folks tell me frequently they have no idea how I do what I do, as a military mom (also when I was a military wife). They see strength - I know because that is what they tell me, and I shake my head a bit, because strength is not what I feel some days. Some days I feel tired and weepy, sore and weak.
On those days, am I any less strong? Under my own strength - yes.
So what do I do? This life I live is impossible under my own strength! WHAT DO I DO???
In a nutshell...here you go:
1) I take it to the Father. He hurts with me, but also with them. Not only that, but He alone is everywhere all the time...with them and with me, so I pull in close to Him. What happens when I do this? He tucks me securely under "the shadow of His wings" and holds me close. He whispers His closeness in my ear, and reminds me how close He is to them.
2) I DON'T go it alone. I let those dearest to me know where I am and what I am going through and they pray with me. This is vital, dear ones. We aren't meant to do life alone. We have to let people in AND let them know how we need help!
3) I am gentle with myself (I haven't always been, and when I'm not it's never good). I allow myself the wiggle room to take it easy. What does that look like? Taking a little more time for me (not in a selfish way, but in a self-care one)...longer showers, an extra cup of coffee, escaping into a good book, etc.
So, Yes, I am strong, but only because of the One I belong to. It's only Him, and my reliance on Him being true to who He is.
You may be asking yourself why I am sharing this with you all. GREAT QUESTION! I'm so glad you asked!!!
Our difficult life circumstances are NEVER just about us. God can use them for good, if we allow it. That is why I share. That is why I write this blog. I am a FIRM believer in the fact that I am my "brother's (sister's) keeper". If I can help you by sharing my story and what I'm walking through then that is what I am going to do.
I pray God's peace and favor upon you. Will you please pray for me to?
